Valentines day is tomoro.

and im wishing that i could have what everyone else has.

i was kinda hoping that i wudnt have to spend tommoro being by myself.

it just dosent seem fair to me.

Today i asked myself a question. The question was; why?

I still dont have an anseur.
I guess this is just the story of someone who is falling apart all because of you. But im trying to keep it together.
so far im doing okay... :\
today i just went out sledding with my friends and i finally know what its like to not think about you. Remember to forget. Its something that i have to get used to i guess.

Todayy theres no school. there wasnt any school yesterday either..so this means that imm off til tuesdayee!!!!<333 theres like about a foot of snow outside. I just started thinking today that
i miss the way things used to be.
i want everything to be fixed and back to normal again. but i have no idea when thats going to happen. I want my life back exactally the way it was before. i miss the good times.

im sorry but i already have.

lots nd lots nd lots.

nobody said it wud be easy.
believe me its anything but easy
but im going to try and prove you all wrong

I promise you

i made i list todayy:)

Today i really didnt have anything to do.. i stayed home from school so i had some time. I made a list of 140 things i want to do lolllllll it will probly take the whole rest of my life to do everything on this list maybbeeee

1. find out how many licks it really takes to get to the middle of a tootsie pop.
2. Try my best to not let anyone down
3. WIN AT EVERYTHING
4. Ride the worlds scariest ride
6. Make somebody elses dream come true
7. Read a story to kids at a hospital
8. Make all my own dreams come true
9. Write a song that people will listen to.
10. Be known… for being me
11. Hang out with some awesome famous person.
12. Get to know somebody else better than I know myself.
13. Get paid a dollar for every breath I breathe in a day.
14. Get over my little fear of heights
15. Ski down a black diamond trail without being scared shitless.
16. Own a kick ass diamond ring.
17. Walk around the mall wearing a free hugs sign.
18. Run up a down escalator.
19. Go I a big building in new york city, go in the elevator, and press all the buttons… just like in that movie ELF
20. Laugh at my mistakes instead of regretting them.
21. Have a shweet glowstick rave in my basement and invite tons of people who I don’t even know.
22. Go to mad parties.
23. Invent a pizza flavor skittle.
24. Go see breathe carolina livee
25. Find true love ♥
26. Make some cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles and give them to hobos.
27. Watch a sunset
28. Stay up outside all night in the summer just to look at the stars.
29. Go sky divingggg
30. Go bungee jumping
31. Buy all the clothes I could possibly want.
32. Own the worlds smallest dog
33. Own a one eyed cat
34. Go to japan
35. Travel the world in a week
36. Make a totalleeh random discovery
37. Read every single one of the facts on the snaple caps.
38. Walk down the street with speakers blasting love songs.
39. Actually look forward to a happy valentines day for once in my life.. Or preferably ,or than once.
40. Never be alone
41. Be on a tv show.
42. Realize who I am
43. Know who I want to be, and who im not
44. Hardly ever have to feel sad again
45. Be able to say “ I love my life” and completely and totally mean it.
46. Make some more friends.
47. Help make somebody feel better about themselves.
48. Get revenge.
49. Be able to say “I proved you all wrong”
50. GET WHAT I WANT
51. Never give up.
52. Work out and get in the best shape everrr
53. Be completely happy with the way I look for once
54. Give somebody a makeover
55. Learn to cut hair
56. Learn to play guitar
57. Speak German fluently
58. Sit in a cornfield in the rain
59. Visit some of the “Weird New Jersey” places
60. Sleep overnight in a haunted house
61. Decide for myself whether or not all this ghost stuff is real. I do have my doubts.
62. Walk around a graveyard at night….just to say I did it.
63. Find the prettiest place on earth
64. Eventually find out the anser to this question “is life supposed to make sense???”
65. See a guy walking down the street dressed like Jesus
66. Find the end of the rainbow
67. Take a rocketship to tha moon
68. Be perfectly entertained without ever having to watch tv
69. Motivate America to get up off their asses
70. Convince a dropout to stay in school
71. Get paid for doing something that I like to do
72. Be able to make a list of 1 million random things about myself
73. Be the best at something
74. Have the best freakin blog ever.
75. Know somebody else who listens to a song only because the lyrics mean something to them
76. Put a message in a bottle with my phone numba, throw it on the ocean, and get a call back from whoever found it
77. Donate to a foundation that helps animals
78. Help put a total stop to animal testing
79. Teach a monkey to talk loLLLL
80. Carve “me+you” into a tree
81. Never regret anything
82. Take lots of risks
83. Never ever ever be too serious
84. Never spend another weekend by myself
85. Buy a very very nice house
86. Own a black pickup truck
87. Get my license
88. Dye my hairr
89. Get color contacts
90. Know that this list probly wont end.. Unless I want it to
91. Shut down KFC
92. Keep in touch with everyone I know
93. Go to college
94. Help other people with their problems
95. Fix my fucked up life
96. Learn to snowboard
97. Find out how many balloons it takes to fly
98. Get ducttaped to a ceiling
99. Be able to say that everything is fine.. And know that it is
100. Own a chinchilla
101. Prove that a lint roller can clean a rug just as good as a vacuum can! lmao
102. Swim in a swimming pool of pudding
103. Be the most interesting person ever
104. Make a motivational poster that motivates people
105. WALK ON WATER!!!!! JK
106. Go to a peace riot thingie with a HIPPIEE!!!!
107. Make people see things my way
108. Make my own webshow with my friendzzz
109. Know who my true friends are
110. Decide whether or not I want a tattoo
111. Get my belly button pierced
112. Get my hips pierced
113. Be able to cook awesomeeee food
114. Have the most totally mad rad hairr
115. Get my makeup done professionally
116. Watch someone who I rele rele don’t like get covered in mayonnaise and then go out in public. (fer sher to end up on you tube)
117. Not make fun of anyone
118. Have lotzzz of peoples read this list
119. Stop worrying about what people think
120. Realize that there never is and never was a right and a wrong
121. Run a marathon… and then WIN!!!!
122. Find out what flan is made of…. WTF??? What the hell is flan????
123. Eat waffles and icecream without feeling like a fatty
124. Have a party at walmart
125. Never stop listening to music
126. See an actual mini horse sized zebra
127. Listen to the story of a random strangers life
128. Set a world record
129. Be totally awesomee
130. Make up a new word that people will actually use
131. Be able to tell somebody about my life without keeping any secrets
132. Not give a shit about people who hate me
133. See a real tornado… and then run like hell
134. In an all white room, write lyrics all over the ceiling and walls
135. Never have to complain about anything
136. Go scuba diving
137. Go swimming with whales!!!!
139. Move outta NJ eventuallyyy
139. LoVe FoReVeR
140. Rememer to not forget.

I'll put a message in a bottle and I'll throw it across the sea

Your the lock and included is the key

Along with a dozen x's and o's

Lord knows that you can't get enough of those

Your superkalafragelisticexpialadociously cute

Sweeter than a 12 pack of juicy fruit

Surreal, but I know this isn't a dream

We go good together just like coffee and cream

im already lost somewhere

but your more than welcome to join me

:)

music is my only drug

and im addicted.

today its my escape

imunna...go eat some cereal. yummyyy!

"Fast foward through the tears. skip ahead a couple of years."

i guess i just dont know exactally what to think about myself.

am i trying to hard to be perfect? well i have way too much

extra time so i guess i might as well just give it a shot.

note to self;

i know he takes my breath away, but sometimes...i just have to remember to breathe

todayyyhh

one word. or maybe two words. Supafabulus and awesomeee.

next week

^

^

I basically live by this

This week is next week i guess. i always counted mondays as the beginning of the week. I used to hate mondays alot but lately i have come to like them and i have no idea why. I still have to wake up early in the morning and i cant sleep in on a monday but that dosent rele bother me... well sometimes it does. I dont know what i am going to do though. Anything could happen. like i could go bungee jumping or fly an airplane(wait...im not even old enough to drive a car...i dont even have my permit thingie yet...) or skip school to go to the mall all dayy or something but i highly doubt it. mondaymondaymonday.

Why is it that every week just feels the same and the week after that one?? Its like a neverending cycle thats driving me insaynee. 

Maybeeh i shud just make a list of crazeey random things to do and go do them. Like on that show The Buried Life where those four guys make a list of 1000 things to do before they die and go do them.

:)

Today i guess i am just the

right amount of happy.

<33

oh that you only meant well????

Listen to music.

Listen to music.

Listen to more music.

didnt go to school today.

Couldnt sleep last night.

So today im super tired.

And i dont care.

about anything.

Nothing matters anymore.

so im just going to sit around

and listen to my music

hoping you will come around soon

like you always do

so for now im holding my breath

and crossing my fingers

hoping that better days are ahead of me

Bleehhhhhhhh!!!!!!

dammmitttttt

<33

Yesterday i found the most adorable band ever called Love Is A Story. Awwwhh!!!!

bestdayyeverr????

and so it was... in a way i guess. :\

do happyy little birdies get their happy little french fries from McDonalds??

Todayyee i have every reason in the world to be happy...well almosttttt every reason.

i dont usually get alot of days like these.

 :D

Well, I swear to God we've been down this road before

The guilt's no good, and it only shames us more
And the truths that we all try to hide,
Are so much clearer when its not our lives
When we don't face the blame ~Framing Hanley <-- <333

ummm tgif??

firdayy. i dont have any plans today so its just another day spent at home by myself.
Im so happeeh imma goin to tha mall wit people tommoro.
ANDDDD imma happeeh that thars no school monday.
<33333333333333333
Can life be awesomee and totalleeh suck at the same time?????
I thinketh so.

todayyye

I dont know exactally how im feeling. Happy sad lost confused zoned out and bored possiblyy. hm. what a random pile of emotions. maybeeh i shud get up and go find something to do. The internet can keep me busy all day weather im listening to or downolading music, on photobucket looking at life quotes or awesome pickteurs, or emailing a friend or looking up lyrics to a song... or blogging... lmao. sometimes its like it has turned me into a zombie and i dont even realize how much of my time i have wasted. Or is it wasting time when you dont have anything else to do?? There are lottttsss of ways to waste time but i always go for the less boring ways. i totalleh have to get my HW done so i pass this year, hopefully making up for last year. woo :\ and now its time to pick up the phone. call someone. and go somewhere. and be happy.

        Love

         Liebe

           Amour

                                                                 محبوب                   

                                                                 miłość

                                                                    愛

                                                                 Amore

                                                               KÄRLEK

                                                                armastus

                                                             pagmamahal

                                                                    प्यार

                                                                   iubire

                                                                   cinta

                                                                  αγάπη

                                                                  волети

                                                                    elska

                                                      

                                                     

               Oooohh what complicated werdzzz           

                Either way its all the same.

                Its you + Me = <3

P.s......... I love you

"what do you do when the only one who can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry?"

Just live your life One day at a time. Tommorow might be better.        

I like yuor HURR <33

My hurrr. this morning i straightened it, teased it and almost used a whole can of hurrspray on itt. Woww that was random. While reading this... you shud SOOOO be listening to the song I like your hair by Scotty Vanity who is just as amazing as Geoffrey Parris and Jeffree Star. <3333 They alll have nice hurr.

Yo do0Dz!!!

Guess whut. Are you guessin whut??? Imma goin to WALMART tonight. I dont know how i find this even remotly exciting bhutttttttttt i was on google-ing random sthuff and found a list of stupid things to do at walmart and these do sound like things that i wud probleeh do but i wont. haha.

 ~Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
~Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
~Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
~Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. (walmart has PATIO FURNITEUR???? HOLY CRAPP!!!!)
~ Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
~ When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
~ Play with the automatic doors.
~ SHOPPING CART RACESSS!!!!

i got some of theese from ---> http://joek.com/jokes/joke_59.shtml so i am totalleeh not plagerizing or steeling anyones ideahs or whatever. LoL

Somee dayyss

Yestrdayee i had the best day. ever.  todayy.. not so good. . asterisk SIGH asterisk.
Everything is more dramatic when you add and ASTERISK aka those pretty little star thingiess.
As much as im trying to pretend im happy right now nothings working.

word of the DAYYYEEE!!!!!

SUPERKALAFRAGELISTICEXPIALADOCIOUS!! <-- mad skillz doodz :D

d-_-b

New years eve is todayeee!! imma goin to a party later and i probleeh wont get back til one or later. Thats all the more reason to sleep all day!!! Holluh! :P  but right now imma super bored. and im like having a total zoning-out-due-to-complete-and-total-bordeom moment. I played this game on my wii yesterday and it totally sucked. I have to say it was the worst game of all time that i ever played. It made me want to throw the wii remote thru the tv screen and the wall. yes it was that bad. It was so bad i dont even remember what the name of the game was. But here is a hint... i played... TERRIBLE GAMEE. The game nobody wants to playy. 
But anyywayy...2009...crazy year but a great year.
2010....?????
 what im trying to say is i dont reele care. woo hoo. they just made the number 2009 bigger. <--- story of my life_pointing out the obvious!! But the obvious is something that needs to be pointed out because it is not so obvious to other people. Lost yet?  thats all the excitement i am sure to get out of this New Year thing... that and the partayyyys. I didnt make any new years revolutions yet! i am going to list some now.

~Adopt a llama
~eat at least ten boxes of twinkies by the end of the year
~go skiing in the summer
~actually witness a high speed poliece chase
~yell at a bullfighter
~feed a bear a cookie
~have an interview with elmo and ask him..or ..um yea.. why he is red
~call the inventor of poprocks and tell them they are a freakin genious! oh and the inventor of ~twinkies
~never ever ever play a suckish game again
~get a new phone
~point at a rainbow that magically appeared by wallmart and say "Look! its made of skittels!!!"~~That reminds me of that rainbow cloud i saw yesterday. It was awesome!!!! well it wasnt really a cloud.. it was more like an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicoloured arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch. or in other words.. blahblahbleah they put fancy words to good use right thar. and thats where rainbows come from!!!
~ go see Breathe Carolina live. Tha best band of all time!!! no doubt im obsessed with them.
~tape a horn like object to a horses head and pretend its a unicorn
~ Go to some creeper video game convention thingie and see how long it takes for the creepers to scare me away.
~go to a halloween party dressed as a can of horse radish! BTW nobody likes horse radish.
~ be friends with someone who has a purple eye and an orange eye.
invent the NEXT BEST THING SINCE SLICED BRED!! oh well we know thats never gonna happen any time soon. becauseeeeee the the ipod touch is right up there with your AWESOME sliced bred.
~ have a pet deer. BTW a saw an albino deer once. it was quite cool.
 oh i love the randome things i come up with sometimes. kinda wierd but whatever. hah:)

I have to go get ready to go places today so GTG.

Billy mays gets interupted by Kanye

Crappy photoshopping rite tharr. anyway..click it to make it bigger. LOVE MY CRAPP ART! 

AWESOMEEEEEE bands that people never rele heard off <3

SnapKrackelPop!
LessThanThree
Dropping a Popped Locket
HeartBreakKidz
Scene Superstar
Tha Empire
Scene Empire
I Eat Lightning
Candyland Arcade

nd... thats about it. I found them all on YOUTUBE... the source of all greatness.

blahh and even more bleeeeehhhhhhhh!!!!

well today i feel like total shet. This morning i accidentallee stepped on my flat iron and it burned my f**ken foot. gawwwd dayyum. i so wish today wud end. Its the worst. I just sat around listening to the song GONE FOREVER by three days grace which is what i listen to on days when i feel like thas.  


Don't know what's going on

Don't know what went wrong
Feels like a hundred years
I still can't believe you're gone
So, I'll stay up all night
With these bloodshot eyes
While these walls surround me
With the story of our life


I feel so much better
Now, that you're gone forever
I tell myself that I don't
Miss you at all
I'm not lying, denying
That I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever

Now, things are coming clear
And I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
So, I'll stay out all night
Get drunk and fuck and fight
Until the morning comes
I'll forget about our life


First time you screamed at me
I should have made you leave
I should have known
It could be so much better
I hope you're missing me
I hope I've made you see
That I'm gone forever


And now, it's coming clear
That I don't need you here
And in this world around me
I'm glad you disappeared
And now, you're gone forever
And now, you're gone forever

and now your gone forever.\\

and this is...... the story of my life... or so it seems most days.

Almosssttttttt christmas

Well its almost christmas but it dosent rele feel like it. Im just not into it this year i guess. People keep asking me what i want nd stuff but i cant think of anything. I guess i just have it all even though it reele dosent seem like it. lol ohhhh whatever. give me a unicorn and a a flying car and were alll good. lmfaoo.

Okeeeyyyyy so enough about christmass.  i want it to snowww. so i can go outside and build a snowmann. I will make a zombie snowman. How cool wud that be?

Rite noww i wish i had a Monster and i wish my phone was workingg.
hmmmmmmmmmnmnm. :)